Idea-versary

Yesterday marked the three month anniversary of our THP idea. It is so hard to believe that it has only been three months. I feel like I have learned so much about the process, these children, and the amazing families that take them in. However, tonight as I sit here there is a sour pit in my stomach. As I have blogged about before, Mr. Something and I are not living in the house that we planned on having children in. Because of the ever downward falling market, our 5-7 year plan is being stretched to it’s limits. As the reality of our investment loss settled in I began to see ways to make our home “work” with kids, but as the image of our future family shifted, so did my opinion of starting a family in this house. It’s not a bad house, not too small, but it currently sits an hour (or more) from my work. I knew what type of commute I was getting into when we bought it but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it hasn’t been wearing on me. I am currently teaching in a great district, at a school I love, comfortably secure in tenure. Changing jobs is not an option. So say we start a family here through foster care adoption. Suddenly, instead of starting a family naturally and having 5 or 6 years before our child starts school, we could very well have a school-aged child on day 1. We currently don’t live in the best of school districts, especially when looking at bringing in children that are going to need support whether it’s just social work and speech or as much as resource/special ed. So, Big Issue Number 1: I’m not comfortable with the school district we are in.

Big Issue Number 2: The idea of moving after we bring children into our home. One of the most motivating factors behind THP is being able to provide security and stability for a child or children that are coming from a background with a lack thereof. So, say we pursue THP in the house we are in but after another 5 years we are able to move to our “forever” home. Suddenly we are uprooting our kids from what could potentially be the most stable home they have had yet. Growing up, I saw friends struggle with moves in middle school and high school and they had a stable childhood and family structure. The idea of moving after we’ve settled in with adopted foster kids is not something that sits well with me.

So we wait. Mr. Something threw the idea of waiting ten years before pursuing this idea. (What if it’s that long before we can financially get away from our house?) All I knew was that I definitely did not like the idea of going the next ten years without a family. I don’t know how soon I’d like it to be yet, but I know that ten years was like a punch in the gut. So we reached our 3 month idea-versary on a blue note. Mr. Something still suggests that we start looking into finding an agency but I’m afraid that it will be even harder to put the breaks on the process once we’ve started. *sigh* Defeated and frustrated tonight.

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4 thoughts on “Idea-versary

  1. Issue 1: You can foster a baby or toddler and possibly adopt.

    Issue 2: I don’t think adopted kids can’t change schools! I think it’s awesome you are so concerned about that aspect of this, but I think it’s a non-issue. Hell, you could adopt a kid and move *BECAUSE* you want him/her in a different school (that better suits their needs). I think that flexibility is key to being a good parent (of any kid). You are never going to be a situation that is guaranteed not to change, etc., and coping with change is a good skill to teach a child. Moving to a new home *with* a family is not the same as being moved *to* a new home.

  2. Mrs. Something, you are to be admired! Have you begun the process of fostering at all? Where are you both on the journey? You can inquire about the ages of children currently available for adoption in your state, and even request to view childrens profiles out of state. You don’t have to choose an older child. nd if you do, they might be very adaptable. Planning for the future is a good thing, but what do you really want? When do you see it happening in your life? What are you working towards and what will it look like tomorrow – in 6 months – in two years? Is it worth putting life on hold, you and the child waiting for you? Remember fear blocks progress forward, faith is the courage that overcomes fear.
    Foster kids need security and stability, it’s true. Please consider that parents, YOU, will be the safety and security your child will exsist within and not necessarily four walls.
    Stay the course, even in this down economy.

    • We are merely baby steps into the process. So far it’s been gathering a lot of information, connecting with people online, and reading books. (We started yours this week!) As of now we are leaning toward a child or children between the ages of 2 and 8. There’s a lot of big question marks right now in terms of a timeline. I can see Mr. Something and I finding an agency within the next few months and starting classes in order to delve a little deeper.

      “…fear blocks progress forward, faith is the courage that overcomes fear.”

      I’m loving that. I think it may become my mantra. I’ll paint in on the wall if I have to! Just considering adopting from the foster care system for the last few months has lead to so much self-reflection and evaluation. I have always been the type of person that likes things to be “just so” and I realize now that I need to remember the bigger picture.

      “The best things in life aren’t things.”

      Mantra #2. 🙂

      Thanks for checking in!

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