Yesterday marked the three month anniversary of our THP idea. It is so hard to believe that it has only been three months. I feel like I have learned so much about the process, these children, and the amazing families that take them in. However, tonight as I sit here there is a sour pit in my stomach. As I have blogged about before, Mr. Something and I are not living in the house that we planned on having children in. Because of the ever downward falling market, our 5-7 year plan is being stretched to it’s limits. As the reality of our investment loss settled in I began to see ways to make our home “work” with kids, but as the image of our future family shifted, so did my opinion of starting a family in this house. It’s not a bad house, not too small, but it currently sits an hour (or more) from my work. I knew what type of commute I was getting into when we bought it but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it hasn’t been wearing on me. I am currently teaching in a great district, at a school I love, comfortably secure in tenure. Changing jobs is not an option. So say we start a family here through foster care adoption. Suddenly, instead of starting a family naturally and having 5 or 6 years before our child starts school, we could very well have a school-aged child on day 1. We currently don’t live in the best of school districts, especially when looking at bringing in children that are going to need support whether it’s just social work and speech or as much as resource/special ed. So, Big Issue Number 1: I’m not comfortable with the school district we are in.
Big Issue Number 2: The idea of moving after we bring children into our home. One of the most motivating factors behind THP is being able to provide security and stability for a child or children that are coming from a background with a lack thereof. So, say we pursue THP in the house we are in but after another 5 years we are able to move to our “forever” home. Suddenly we are uprooting our kids from what could potentially be the most stable home they have had yet. Growing up, I saw friends struggle with moves in middle school and high school and they had a stable childhood and family structure. The idea of moving after we’ve settled in with adopted foster kids is not something that sits well with me.
So we wait. Mr. Something threw the idea of waiting ten years before pursuing this idea. (What if it’s that long before we can financially get away from our house?) All I knew was that I definitely did not like the idea of going the next ten years without a family. I don’t know how soon I’d like it to be yet, but I know that ten years was like a punch in the gut. So we reached our 3 month idea-versary on a blue note. Mr. Something still suggests that we start looking into finding an agency but I’m afraid that it will be even harder to put the breaks on the process once we’ve started. *sigh* Defeated and frustrated tonight.